I'm shaking. This is what happens when I read dark!fic. It makes me shiver with this inner twitch that makes everything feel wrong
. I don't know how to fix this. I mean, I need to study for my two finals tomorrow, but all I can think about is Lovino creating his new world order starting with killing Arthur. Oh God why did I read a dark Hetalia fic?
Ah yes, because the summary mentioned the death of a nation after one went mad and I wanted to know who would die (somehow I knew that Arthur would be the crazy one). It's deliciously dark and morbid and wonderfully written but it makes me feel like the world is ending at the same time. The worst part is that I'm so affected but I just wish there were more to read. You can see the first chapter here
and the other four from the fanfic tag at the bottom of the entry. Oh my.
I wanted to write about my last therapy session at the Stone Center today, but I don't know it will come off with me in this state. I don't think I'll come back to it later though so I'll give it a shot... So I didn't cry this time. That's good right? I talked about the sort of fight I got into with Diana about me not being a Zelda fan and how left out I feel because I'm just not into
the Nintendo stuff the way everyone else is and how I treasure graphics and special effects more and that I think that is a direct result of my first system being a playstation and not a nintendo 64.
We were going to end things there, but I wanted to know what she made of working with me over the whole semester and what she recommended for the fall. She told me that I should see how I am in the fall but right now it seems to her that I have two separate issues that she thinks would benefit from me seeing someone weekly. So basically let's see what happens but as of right now you have problems. It was sort of depressing to know that I have not one, but two issues that she thinks should be addressed on a weekly basis but I don't know I knew I had problems.
She recommended only going to therapy in the fall (I'd have to go off campus though because what they do at Wellesley is a quick fix thing and I was not fixed) if I started feeling depressed again, but I mean... I had one really bad depressed state that I had to bring myself out of and as a whole I'm sort of always depressed so the future looks grim.
Well, it's 8:40pm right now and while I'd like to start working on my icons for this week (I really don't want to get cut from animangalims
at the beginning of things) I need to start studying or I'll be screwed tomorrow (not that I'm not already...) ...but on the other hand I still feel really unsteady with my hands. Like... they need to be doing
something like typing and not holding a book. Maybe I'll try playing maplestory for another fifteen minutes. If that doesn't work I'll go shower and if I still can't pull myself together Daddy might have to be waiting for me Thursday morning when I take my last final.